chongo chuck

photo by SPIKE

Any climber who has visited Yosemite in the last 30 years will have heard of a man named Chongo. If you were lucky enough to meet him, your first impression was probably of some crazed bum who tried to talk your ear off with his whacked out physics theories. True. Then, if you asked around a bit, you'd discover that this man was actually somewhat of a big wall guru. True. If you then endured his lectures for long enough, you might even have convinced yourself that he really knew what he was talking about; that yes he's crazy, but in a more crazed brilliance sort of way. Undeniably true.

Regardless of your impression of Chongo, the fact is that there is currently a man living in Yosemite valley, who has lived there for over 30 years as an unemployed bum, who has written the most comprehensive big wall book ever, and who now spends every waking hour pondering the intricacies of quantum physics.

Full Name? Chongo
<It's Charles Tucker>

Date of Birth? Who cares.
<He's 52, don't know his B-Day>

Years in the Valley? 39

You are known to be a bit of a big wall aficionado. How many walls have you climbed in your lifetime?

Not very many. I lived on Sea of Dreams for about a year, developing aid technology and writing my book ("The Complete Book of Big Wall Climbing - Volume 1", by Chongo Chuck). My specialty is how to efficiently haul loads to the top of El Cap.

Any first ascents?

No.

In the 39 years that you've lived in the valley, have you ever climbed on any buildings?

In the valley? No. There are too many good rocks around. But when I was 29 I climbed a building at San Luis Obispo College and broke both my arms. I was showing off for a girl.

What happened?

I fell backwards from about 20ft. I put out my arms to prevent landing on my back, and *snap*. I was lucky I didn't break my back.

How did you fall?

It was a lieback, and there was dust at the top. I just peeled off. Definitely the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Did the girl ditch you?

No she hung around. She would give me showers and stuff.

Any other buildering stories?

Nope. That kinda took it out of me.

Have you ever tried bridge or crane swinging?

No. I'm too old now. That shit doesn't interest me. Although I did do a rope jump with Dan Osman a few years back. A 250ft jump off the Rostrum. I was good buddies with Dano. He used to think I was something else, he'd call me the "guru".

What about slack-lining?

Darren Carter and I started off this whole slack-lining craze in the early 90s. We used to practice between trees, and then we took it high up... like across Lost Arrow Spire. I was the third guy across Lost Arrow Spire. First Dean Potter, then Darren Carter, and then me.

Were you scared?

When you get old you get less scared, cause you just don't give a fuck. I've already lived my life. When you get older you have a harder time getting motivated to go out and do things, but when you do it's definitely less scary.

Did you use a backup (have a harness)?

Yup. Although Darren and Dean have since done it without a backup. But these guys can do it. They are strong men. Even if they fell they could grab the line, and you know they aren't letting go.

Do you know who Alain Robert is?

Uhmmm.... Fag-Bonet's climbing partner?

Who?

Fag-Bonet. It's a valley joke that we tell around here. No... don't print that. Leave that out.

Alain Robert is the french Spiderman. The guy who climbs all the skyscrapers.

Good for him.

Tell me a little about the Piton Pete debacle.
<Pass the Piton Pete (Pete Zabrok) is a contributing writer for Rock&Ice magazine. He currently authors a monthly column entitled "Ask Dr. Piton" an advice column for aspiring big wall climbers.>

When I was writing my big wall book Pete agreed to be editor, and in return I'd show him how to be rad. So I taught him everything I know about wall climbing.

And then he stole that information, claiming it as his own?

Not everything, but all I know is that I see my work in climbing magazines, with no credit given. I spent years of my life developing this technology, the least he could do is give credit where credit is due. Especially the 2 to 1 hauling ratchet [appearing in Climbing #129], if there is one thing I didn't want stolen from me it is that.

Do you make much money off your big wall book?

No. I don't need money. People give me food, and any money I make off books goes back to my printer.

Do you think if you lowered the cost of your book [which he sells for $100US], that you'd sell more copies, and make more money?

I can't. That book costs me $60 to print, it's 700 pages long, and such a pain in the ass to manage. That book is way too big. It has absolutely everything in it. What I should do is break it up into smaller books and sell them separately.

You are working on other books as well...

I'm working on five or six at a time. I produce so much material in a day. I have over twenty books total.

Wow twenty?

Well the big wall book counts for ten.

Tell me a bit about your other books.

Physics man. It's badass. Quantum mechanics, pushes, tilting in four dimensions, everything is physics. And it never changes. Right now I'm working on the question "what is information?" ...

What got you so interested in physics?

Well I got to a stage in my life where I started asking the question "What the fuck is going on?" Theoretical physics asks that question. You have religion which gives you answers, but it's physics that asks "What the fuck is going on?"

Isn't theoretical physics, in it's attempt to explain the universe, just another religion?

What? Religion is stating assertions. Science is the pursuit of truth. Religion is the pursuit of a particular preference of truth, that which benefits the devotee.

Did you take physics in university?

Nope, self taught. Every year a group of physicists come to the valley for a conference, and they all sit at this table. <THE table in the Yosemite Cafeteria, where you can almost always find Chongo working hard on his next book> We talk about physics for hours, and they call me a physicist... like one of their own.

If your book "The face of the observer: an explanation of physical reality" sold a million copies, what would you do with the money?

I'd make sure a whole lot more books got written. My goal is to educate the uneducated masses, which is the most difficult endeavour one could ever pursue. Way harder than walking across Lost Arrow Spire.

Why is it that Americans are so uneducated?

Because educators aren't capable of competing with advertisers. And educators simply don't care enough. Exceptions: those who try hard to teach science and math.

Who are you voting for in the next federal election?

Americans deserve Bush. I'm going to make a big sign during the next election and put it up: "Americans deserve Bush". They deserve a president who is just like themselves: white trash. That includes all races by the way.

But what about the rest of the world? Do they deserve Bush fueled imperialism?

Sadly the rest of the world does not.

Bert vs. Ernie in an arm-wrestle, who would win?

I could give a fuck.

Chongo vs. Piton Pete?

Any insider tips for living cost free in the valley?

It's a plan that will not work anymore in the brave new American world.

To read more about Chongo, check out this thread posted in rockclimbing.com. For more info on Chongo's physics books, visit chongonation.com. (note: site didn't work at time of writing)

Karl dropping $100US on Chongo's Book. Who's crazier?