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Play the harp and sound the gong, Keddie’s BACK!!! Bo and Luke or Coy and Vance? Nothin beats the original. If you got that reference, then you can be my friend.

Things Keddie Is Into

1. My fans.
Ardarvin tells me I have a lot of fans… I’m not too sure of that, but I know I have at least two. I got two pieces of fan mail! WooOOooo… Well, one was kind of threat from Kenny Frazz, but the other from Heretik was genuine. Yup! A real fan. Btw, Congratulations Heretik on finding two pulsars… Stars, not Nissans.

2. Boddingtons
Pub ale. This shite is gooood. The liquor store knows I’m such a big fan that they gave me a Boddingtons glass to pour my Boddy into. The pour is the best part actually, some weird fluid mechanical phenomenon causes the tiny bubbles to flow downwards for the lower 3/4th of the glass. It’s very beautiful, like a cascading waterfall.

3. Getting a bus tow
The idea here is that you ride your bike up to bus, match it’s speed then grab on. The really tricky part is getting the timing right, cause there’s really only two places to grab on… the rear door frame and the rear wheel well… and if the bus is travelling just a little faster than you, it’ll pull you right off the bike when you grab on. So it’s best to use a less than tight grip. It’s also a little freaky when the bus accelerates. Because of the dynamics of things, it means that your bike leans into the bus at first, but this is a good thing, it helps you get stabilized. My top speed while being towed is ~60km/hr. Most bus drivers slow down to a crawl when they’ve noticed you leaching.

4. Seal clubbers
Way to control seal population!

5. Quantum mechanics
QM is so cool. I just wrote my last final exam of the year a few weeks ago and it was QM. Now I fully understand the subject. Apparently, if you think you understand QM you don’t and your just fooling yourself.

Things Keddie Is NOT Into

1. That building across the street
Some developer took this old heritage mansion and converted it into ultra expensive apartments. I think they probably would’ve torn it down except the city wouldn’t let them. Anyways, they seem very concerned about image.. getting the lawn trimmed twice a week kinda thing, so I wasn’t surprised that they had the window cleaners cut the shoes down that we’d carefully flung onto the power lines. It’s just like them. They probably thought of the shoes as an eye sore, or maybe they realised their true meaning… a marking that this is our hood.

2. Silverfish
Oh, I hate silverfish.. ughhh. They are easily the grossest of all insects. Just thinking about them now makes me want to curl up in the fetal position. You know what would be really gross. Silverfish on fear factor. Hm… I suppose eating a spoonful of silverfish would only be as gross as eating bull snout. Actually, this reminds me of this little bit that CBC did a long time ago. They went down to the New York and told people that Canada was stealing American silverfish. The people got outraged! “We need to drop bombs!”, they said (honestly). But it was really funny when they were asked if they like silverfish. Then their mood totally changed. “mmm mmm, I like to paaaan fry it with a little oil.”

3. Bear poachers
I hope all beer poachers die…I love that scene on Ghost Dog when Ghost Dog happens upon a poacher and ninjas his ass. Go club seals instead, we’ve gots lots of those b’yatchs.

4. French guy who slaps himself
After writing my first final exam this year, we were all walking down Main Mall at UBC and we saw this French guy…he was swearing like a, well, french guy. Then he started slapping himself in the face, and doing the old single nostral block snot shot, pulling his hair, punching himself. The whole time, swearing. At first I was thinking of putting this guy in my into list, I mean, this this guy’s got self disipline. If only I had his self disipline, I would have accomplished so much more in life. I’d own my own house… some heavy machinery… But I guess I’m not as into him as I was when I was watching him. Now I think he’s a dork, and he’s probably upset cause he’s only going to get 95% in his course. [ed note: this guy is soooo an into.]

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5. That McCop that gave me a ticket while riding my bike to school.
So I’m riding to school one day and I approach this sleepy little intersection. The light turns red, so I stop and look… there are no cars or anything for as far as I can see (which is far). A pedestrian starts to walk through the intersection, I figure at this point that it’s only about 100% safe for me to go through, so I roll along beside the pedestrian. This road is only as wide as your standard city alley lane. Then this stupid motorcycle oinker pulls me over and asks me what I thought the difference was between me going through that red light and a car. This reminded me of that Sesame Street segment “One of these things doesn’t belong” where they might have three muppet dudes all the same, but one is wearing a different colour tie or something. But there are so many differences, which should I choose? 3000 pounds?!… cars kill people?!… all obvious. Cyclist’s have a commanding view of the road?! He told to tell the judge and wrote me a $167 ticket. Someone should give him a moustache ticket. Here’s a composite sketch of him (look left), if you see him, do the right thing… mutter bacon and donut jokes.